shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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