Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
