my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
