don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
