I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
