Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
