just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
