waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
