And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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