you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
