Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
