i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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