I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
