i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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