Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
