Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
