I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
