Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
