What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
