i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
