He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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