He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
