He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
