My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
