There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
