Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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