shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
