come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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