If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
