just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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