You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
