i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
