I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
