i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
