I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
