Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
