I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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