just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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