just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
