dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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