Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
