where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
