I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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