At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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