My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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