so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
