i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
