This is not my ceiling
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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