also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
