For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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